Blog: Humor

The big story of the day is how bad last night's ABC Democratic Presidential debate was, with George Stephanopoulos and Charlie Gibson studiously avoiding any intelligent questions in favor of rehashing the campaign's inane "gotcha" moments long past.

The Minnesota Monitor was able to obtain a secret list of questions that ABC had planned, but ultimately cut from the debate. As you can see, we're all poorer for their editorial decision not to tackle these key issues:

Gibson: There is ample evidence that the public is tired of all the partisan turf battles in Washington--all the red vs. blue, day after day. Are you prepared to tell the American people -- here, tonight -- that you will set aside the red and the blue and tell us what some of your other favorite colors are?

Stephanopoulos: Senator Clinton, if you win this nomination, you'll be running against John McCain, a man who once joked at a Republican Senate fundraiser that the reason your daughter, Chelsea, was so ugly was that Janet Reno was her father. She was just a child then, an awkward teenager in braces. Do you take pleasure in the fact that, these many years later, she's turned into a total hottie?

Gibson: Senators, let's talk about white-collar crime. Your opponent John Edwards, before he left the campaign, spoke tirelessly of the need to rein in the depredations of corporate America. Tonight ABC News has learned that Martha Stewart, who spent time in prison for insider trading, has lost her beloved Chow, Paw Paw, to kidney disease. Surely that must move you at least a little? I mean, her dog died.

Stephanopoulos: Some media critics have bemoaned a growing conflation of politics and of celebrity media culture -- a tendency, even on the part of ostensibly serious journalists, to see everything through the lens of personality and character and to ignore issues. My question for you is, what's your most trusted source of celebrity news? And are there some celebrities who interest you personally more than others?

Every election, Californians have to deal with a bewildering array of propositions to vote on, many of which are arcane matters the state legislature ought to be dealing with. But they can't, because California law requires voters to approve every change in another law voters have approved, making it necessary to vote on propositions concerning expanding the authority of the BART police force to cover light rail trains and minutiae like that. Even when the propositions matter, there are so many of them as to make this parody, by Laughing Liberally comedian James Adomian, not far off: