Blog: Comedy

But I'd been meaning to move Alpie.net off that server, so this provided a good kick in the pants, so now it's on the same server as Cosmopolity, Drinking Liberally, IPac, CopyNight, Jailed For A Song, and others.

For a diversion from all the geekery, there's this recent exchange overheard in New York:

Dumb teen: Hey, look at this! It says "Train for jobs in beeyotch."

Smarter teen: Fool! That word is biotech. Why you gotta be ignorant all your life?

--1 train

Overheard by: Manhattman

I never saw a purple cow
But if I were to see one
Would the probability ravens are black
have a greater chance to be one?

A: "There's nothing wrong with that light bulb. It's a good bulb, it's
working hard, and it has served us honorably. When you say it's burned out,
you're giving encouragement to the forces of darkness. Once we install a
light bulb, we never, ever change it. Real men don't need artificial light."

(via Internet forward)

John goes to pick up Sara at her parents' house. Her parents bought the house in 1972 from the owner of a set of six contiguous plots of land, each containing a house. When they purchased the house, they did not negotiate for use of the connecting driveway. The deed illustrates that the land purchased includes only half of the aforementioned driveway, yet Sara's parents have been using it for years without complaint. However, when John goes to pick up Sara, and crosses the driveway, neighbor Bob yells out the window of his house, demanding that John get off his land. Bob also bought his plot from the original owner, but he signed a covenant promising that there would be no blue cars ever on the property of anyone in the entire subdivision. Of course, John's car is blue. Sara's parents met in 1966 but have never married. In the state we are in, there is no common-law marriage rule, and property is divided 50/50 upon divorce. John is distracted by Bob's yelling, drives his car into the house, and runs over Sara's mother, Betty. Betty, who does not have a living will, is transported by helicopter to County Hospital. On the way to the hospital, the helicopter passes over a highway where Frank, drunk and known to have seizures, is driving home. Ten minutes prior, he picked up a hitchhiker at the side of the road, who wears thick glasses. As the helicopter passes over the highway, Frank steals the hitchhiker's glasses and throws the hitchhiker out of the car. The helicopter crashes, killing the hitchhiker, Betty's mom, and the helicopter pilot, who mailed his health insurance premium yesterday, but it has not yet been received by his insurance company. Meanwhile, Sara's father, who is in this country illegally, is detained by the police and sent to a camp outside the United States but under American control. John offers Sara a tranquilizer to calm her down from all of this commotion, and while she is in a state of semi-consciousness, he induces her to transfer to him one hundred bushels of wheat at 14 cents per bushel, at a date set three months in the future. Sometime between Tuesday at 10 PM and Wednesday at 2 AM (exact time is uncertain, although a videotape that was recovered through the use of an undercover informant may provide more information) a tornado causes wheat prices to rise dramatically (as well as destroying John's blue car, which has an insurance policy that reads, "acts of natural disaster will be covered only if they happen on Tuesdays), and John seeks to enforce the agreement. The date ends with a kiss.